Oh hey, deviantART.

I seriously doubt that anyone is still paying any attention to me. But I stumbled back onto my page and got hit with the usual nostalgia attack. DA has so many issues but I guess I still miss it.

I said something in one of my last journal entries (which was actually from 2007... daaaamn) about how I had traded artistic inspiration for love. I also said it was a worthwhile sacrifice. These things were not true. Some amazing things have happened to me since then, and I have learned.

That boy was bad for me. He didn't understand. He sapped away my creativity because he could not appreciate it.

I got stuck for a while.

But now I've found new love, real love. He's a dreamer, he sees the world like I do. And everything is beautiful.

He encourages me. I'm writing my book again. I'm getting really serious about photography. I may even start drawing and painting again.

Took a photography class this semester and worked with medium format film for the first time, and it was bliss. I guess I actually have two new loves, my dreamer boy, of course, and an old Mamiya C330 twin lens reflex camera. Hopefully I can find a scanner big enough for 11x14 paper, so I can scan my prints.

This school year has been really hard, with messy breakup + new relationship + hardest classes so far of my college career + figuring out what the hell I actually want to be in life. But it's summer now. I made it.

Look for me in the near future. I mean it this time, guys. There was a time when I sincerely believed that I could live without art in my life. That time is over.

Love.

-Jillian

(ps I would love to get back in touch with anyone who's still around.)





Flickr (temporarily on hiatus until I get monies to renew my pro account...) - [link]

Hey, sorry, I guess I was being overly optimistic when I said I was going to try to get active on DA again. College is eating me. However! I bought myself a Flickr pro account, and I'm in the process of uploading some work there. The format is just way easier - I don't have to resize everything, I can upload whole sets at a time, and Flickr archives my images... sorry, DA. I'm not saying goodbye, it's just a bitch to upload photos here.

I don't have too much up yet but more will come soon!

The Flickr account: [link]

I just found out some sad news, out of the blue. A horse named Skylar, who was a dear old friend of mine (not human, but a dear friend just the same) apparently died a few months ago. He belonged to a friend of the family who we fell out of touch with some years ago... I haven't seen either her or the horse in a really long time... since before college. I met Skylar and his owner waaay back when I moved to the Island, when I was 13 or 14. He had been abused by his former owners and was extremely skittish because of it. As a beginner rider I wasn't capable of riding him - it was a struggle even for his owner, an experienced rider, to control him. But she was trying to train him, and I remember she would have me sit on him and led me around on "pony rides" just to get him used to having a rider on his back. Skylar and I improved and grew together, I became a better rider and he became less afraid. In a few years we were a perfect pair. His owner would always comment on the way he responded to me, how he was always happy to see me and always listened when I was riding him... we listened to each other and we loved each other. He was always kind of crazy and riding him always felt a little risky... but that horse and I had such a deep understanding of one another that I always felt confident riding him.

His owner moved... not even far away, but far enough that it was difficult to see Skylar anymore. And there was a falling out, and my family lost touch with the woman. I always wanted to get back in touch with her and ride Skylar again... and the few times I saw her she always said I should stop by. But college happened and there was never time, and my parents never seemed to want me to.

I always wished that I could have bought Skylar. His owner's life was changing, she had a baby and the new house and everything, and was thinking that horses might be too much work. Skylar always felt like my horse in a way. I helped take care of him, cleaned his stall and fed him and "horse-sat" for him and the other horse when his owner was away.

It's weird, because I hadn't thought of him in such a long time. My dad just told me tonight - I guess they forgot to tell me, or didn't want to upset me while I was at school. I didn't cry - but writing this I felt the tears well up. I'm forcing them back because I'm at home and I don't feel like letting my parents see me cry. I feel powerless and unsure how to mourn. I don't even know how he died.

I wonder if he remembered me. How long can a horse's brain hold onto a memory? He probably never understood why I disappeared...


Goodbye, old friend

wtf DA is so different now.

I've been lurking for the past few days. Thinking I might try to get back into this place. Maaaybe. Winter break is coming soon though and I'll probably be spending all my time with the boy... but I have some art from last year and some photos from this year that maybe could be scanned and posted. Would anybody be interested?

I'd like to move a large portion of my gallery to my scrapbook, because it's so old and ugly. But I can't figure out how! Is that even possible anymore?

I'm thinking of actually making a new account, if I do come back here. "Arryma" is pretty irrelevant these days.

I also went back and deleted all my old journals. Damn, I was an angtsy little bitch...

So yeah. Basically, dusting things off around here.

<3

...Hey.

I found my way back here, somehow. Anybody still remember me?

I miss the days when I had the time and the dedication to do the kind of art and writing that I used to submit here. Those days are over, although someday I hope to bring them back. College is crazy. It consumes everything. The only time I do art is when I take art classes. The only things I write are papers. Creativity is dead... but I'm doing okay.

I'm really into photography these days. I guess I found my medium. There's a kind of effortless passion that I could never find with drawing. Maybe someday I'll put some work up here, but I have no idea what DA is up to with their copyright laws lately.

That's all, really. This sounds sort of serious, but I'm actually doing quite well. I just miss this place and I miss my old ambitions and free time and I know I could do it all again if I wasn't such a lazy-ass college kid now. Nostalgia attack! But school is good, life is good, I'm stressed but I'm happy. I just wanted to say hello if there's anybody still out there.

<3

ps, I still stand by what I've always said that artists and writers will never succeed if they are in love. Goddamnit, we need angst! There's a boy out there who's probably to blame for my total lack of inspiration, maybe even more so than the college workload. But it's been a worthwhile sacrifice.